Ade (agentfroot) wrote,
Ade
agentfroot

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So, I generally think a lot of those "articles" they post on MSN are rather silly and seem to be targeted towards people who are a bit lacking in brains. They put links to them in that page when I go to visit my hotmail account, and occasionally I read them if I'm bored.

This one caught my eye. A lot of the articles really REALLY play into gender stereotypes even if they try to be all "look at us, daring to challenge you to try something unconventional for your gender!" So here's the article, with my commentary in italics.

Single-Girl Things to Do Before You Marry
While meeting the man of your dreams opens plenty of doors, it shuts a few too. So fit these experiences in pronto, while you're still carat-free.

Because you will NEVER be able to do ANYTHING without your husband EVER in the future.

It doesn't matter if you're planning to tie the knot with your man in the next couple of years or if that trip down the aisle isn't even on your horizon. There are some things that you better indulge in now, because once you're hitched? Forget about it.

At least they acknowledge that marriage is completely optional and not for everyone...

Date a guy who's totally wrong for you just because he has amazing abs. So what if he's five years younger and your polar opposite? The joy of running your hands across his six-pack is a perfectly legitimate reason to go out with him.

No thanks. Can I just molest my sister's boyfriend instead? Also... nothing wrong with dating someone 5 years younger... um... provided they're legal... I guess...

Collect at least six country stamps on your passport, including one from a place that until recently you didn't even know existed. Yes, it's fun to travel with your man, but you also have to have some solo adventures under your belt before you start sharing your life with him 100 percent.

Ok! Let's see... this summer, I'm going to Iceland and Denmark and mayyyyybe Sweden if I get lucky. And once my bank account starts to recover from buying a house and a couple suitcases of icelandic wool yarn, anyone up for a trip to India?

Embrace feminine decor. Don't go so far as to paint the walls pink — that'll freak out any guy who sets foot in your place — but stock up on stuff that appeals to your girlie side. When you're building a nest with him, you'll have to compromise on furniture and accessories, so pile on cute throw pillows while the decorating is all up to you (because here's a tip: Guys hate the things).Wear a hip, fabulous ring on your left hand. Once you have an engagement band, you won't want anything detracting attention from the ring.

HELL. NO.

Take advantage of the whole bed. You have the rest of your life to stick to "your" side when you sleep next to your man. Right now, place your pillow smack-dab in the center and make like a starfish.

I like sleeping on one side, but whatever boats your float.

Spend an embarrassing amount of money on a designer bag you love or heels that make you feel incredibly sexy. Chances are, when you have a joint account with your hubby, he's not going to get why a purse might be worth the GDP of a small country.

No. And that's why you have separate bank accounts (with maybe a joint one for shared expenses), silly!

Learn how to change a tire and work a drill. It's easy to relegate all those "guy" tasks to your man (and you totally should enlist his help), but there's a sense of power that comes with being able to fix something yourself.

I'm kind of an idiot when it comes to cars, but I CAN work a drill. I have my very own sexy power drill/screwdriver, and I know how to use it (and HAVE used it). Plus, everyone should know how to operate basic tools. If you can't hammer a nail or tighten a loose screw because you think it's a "guy" thing, then I'm sorry. I have no respect for you as a person.

Slip one of those furry covers on the toilet. Once it's there, he'll have to accept it (and psst, they make it impossible for men to leave the seat up).Throw blowout bashes. Sure, it's nice to have a mellow get-together with your girlfriends, but that shouldn't be the extent of your social life. Before settling down, let your wild side reign.

Eww. Do you know how much yucky bacteria and crap those will hold? Never! And I'm not one for crazy parties, thanks. Having a few friends over is good enough for me, and I don't limit my friends to the female gender.

Get a grip on your dough. Sign up for a retirement plan and invest extra income in stocks or CD accounts. Take charge of your own cash flow before merging moola with your guy.

Financial stuff also goes over my head, but I'm good about saving money (even though I'm about to say goodbye to the majority of my money in a few hours, though it will be worth it in the long run). And again, separate accounts are a good thing.

Have your dad take you out to dinner as often as possible. The reasons: It's great bonding time, and his open-wallet generosity will dry up once you're hitched. Face it: Your reception is the last meal that'll be his treat.

Well, I'm no "daddy's girl," and I try not to be a moocher, but I do eat with my dad a couple times a month or so. I almost always try to pay for my share, or sometimes take the tab, because I'm fiercely independent like that, but he usually refuses. I guess I'm not old enough to start arguing over who pays the bill yet, because every time I try, the grownups immediately shut me down, unless it's a "thank you" meal.

Hone a signature lingerie style. Figure out what cuts and colors are hottest on you, and develop a look that's all your own. That way, your one-day groom will follow your lead ... and not buy the polyester, so-small-you-could-floss- your-teeth-with-it teddy.

Umm... I like cotton bikini-style underwear. Yay.

Want a cat? Heed this advice: Buy it now. Call it Snowflake. Let it sleep next to you in bed. If you wait to get a pet with your betrothed, it will end up being a big, slobbering Lab called Bif.

I'm all for getting cats here, but...
a) Don't BUY a cat, ADOPT one from a local shelter. Seriously.
b) No cat of mine will ever be named "Snowflake."
c) There's nothing wrong with adopting a big, slobbering lab, either (just don't name it "Bif").


If all you feel like eating for dinner is ice cream and diet soda, buy a cone and pop a Coke. When you and The Mister mangia together all the time, you'll be less likely to indulge those bizarre — but oh-so-satisfying — cravings.

Ice cream, yes. But diet soda? Ick!

Use tons of hot water in the a.m.

I do love loooooong, hot showers, and I indulge in them on weekends, even though I know I probably shouldn't.

Take your celeb crush to the max. Plaster a poster of Ryan Gosling in your hallway, and set your computer wallpaper to a topless shot of him.

Who the heck is Ryan Gosling? Unless he's feathery and cute and waddles around making baby squawks, I don't want a poster, thanks.

Plan your fantasy wedding. Now's the time to let your imagination roam — rip pictures of dresses from magazines, size up ceremony venues, and try on some rocks at the jewelry store. This stuff wigs guys out if they witness it, so get it out of your system now.

No thanks. Not going to happen.

Start a pleasure ritual that a change in your relationship status can't disturb. Regularly treat yourself to something you love, whether it's a manicure, yoga classes at the fanciest studio in town, or a superrelaxing massage.

Ok, but I'm not interested in those options. How about treating myself by playing video games for several hours, going to Zaiaka for Meena's delicious Indian cuisine, and then lying around pantsless for a while?

Set up your home in a way that fits your needs. Maybe keeping the coffee machine in the bathroom so you can get your caffeine boost while you put on makeup in the morning works for you. Until you have to deal with someone else weighing in on your unusual arrangement, customize.

In a few hours, I'll have me a home of my own, and I'm totally setting it up to fit my needs. Bright colors everywhere, a craft room, copious bookshelves, maybe a tree swing out back... Ohhhhhhyeah.
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