Ade (agentfroot) wrote,
Ade
agentfroot

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Writer's Block: Improvised Parenting!!?!

Let's say you're a hobgoblin for 24 hours. What sort of havoc would you wreak? Or: If a baby of unknown origins suddenly fell into your care, would you keep it? What would you name it?


Ok, this is a weird one. So let's say I'm minding my own business one afternoon, playing Age of Mythology or whatnot (now that Damnyou is set up again, I've been playing that a lot), and the doorbell rings. I open the door, and there's a baby lying on my front porch. My first thought is WTF?!?!?! I glance around, waiting for someone to pop out of the bushes and laugh or something, but nobody is around. Since nobody is there to claim the baby, I promptly make stew. Mmm, baby stew. Actually, I'd probably pick it up, go knock on my neighbor's door (hey, he said if I ever needed anything, I shouldn't hesitate to ask), and ask if he knows anything about this baby. If not, I'd pick up my phone and call the police so they could deal with it. They could take prints and stuff and figure out where the baby came from (when a man and a woman really love each other...) and either get it back to the mother or put it in foster care or something.

I definitely wouldn't keep it. There's no way I could take care of a baby right now. I'm single, have a full-time job, and I know very little about babies. I've never changed a diaper, and the last time I held a baby (a couple years ago at my cousin's wedding, my other cousin asked me to hold her daughter for a few minutes while she got the little boys ready), I spent the whole time worrying she was going to puke all over me or start crying or something, even though we just kind of stared at each other. I like kids, once they're potty trained and can string together a basic sentence, I just don't like babies. If I had absolutely no choice but to raise a kid, I'd probably give it a weird name like Mephistopheles and treat it as if it was one of my cats (what do you mean I can't just put some dry baby food and water in bowls for it and stick it in a litter box?).

I had a dream once that I adopted this really tiny, kinda dark-skinned baby, and I was keeping it naked in an animal cage at my mom's house. Then I decided to give it a bath in the bathroom sink, and when I went to go find some paper towels and something I could use for a diaper, it drowned. So I let it go down the drain. ...And this is why I should never have a baby, not that I ever will.
Tags: babies, parenting, writer's block
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