Ade (agentfroot) wrote,
Ade
agentfroot

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So I got to thinking again (uh oh), after talking with Rose, about my inability to express my wants/needs until I can't take it any more. And it's something I should work on.

Those of you who have spent a significant amount of time around me probably know what I'm talking about. If I'm around people for a while and start to get antsy, cranky, or just plain withdraw, there's usually something going on that I won't express until I either get what I need/want or someone comes out and asks me what's up. It's almost always something simple and easily fixed.

Since I'm not on a regular eating schedule (which I should be, since I need regular, stable routines to function) except for my lunch break on weekdays, I tend to forget to eat. So if I haven't eaten all day, I start to get cranky, but I try to refrain from telling people I haven't eaten (since they will promptly harass me about it). If I'm at someone else's house, I won't ask for food, and I generally don't eat unless people just hand me food or we're having a meal. I don't know why, but I feel weird eating at other people's houses. If someone asks if I want something to eat or drink, I'll usually say no even if I'm hungry/thirsty. I don't quite understand why I do that. But if someone basically says they're getting me a drink and asks what I want, I'll accept it. I don't know why I'm so weird about all this.

But if I go too long without food and get crabby, sometimes people who know me well will pick up on it. Then if they mention getting food, I'll get really excited and fixate on it until we actually get the food. If it gets to the point where I start storming/bouncing around saying things like "WANT FOOD," it's best to avoid talking to me until I've eaten. Then once I have food in my system, I'm better.

It's kind of a similar thing when I'm tired or need to go to the bathroom. I will often put off going to the bathroom until I'm about to pop, whether I'm around others or not (when I'm alone, it's usually because I've been gaming for hours and suddenly realize my bladder is in agony). My sleep schedule also kinda sucks. I try to get to bed by midnight on work nights, but sometimes I just don't. Like right now. I got distracted. And now I'm blathering.

Anyway. Does anyone ever get that feeling, like when you're talking to someone and really really really want/need to talk about one particular thing but just can't bring it up? That happens all the time. And I'll obsess about it the whole time I'm talking to the person and continue to dwell on it in every conversation I have with the person until it's either no longer relevant or the other person brings it up. It's ridiculous.

I'm sure most of this sounds like crazy talk, but I'm trying to explain my weird behavior in a coherent way, and I don't think it's working. Maybe it's because I need to go to bed?

Also, I feel bad. Laura has a cold now, and I was probably the one who gave it to her, since she took me grocery shopping a few days ago, when my head was exploding. But I'm feeling a lot better now. As I told Rose, I can breathe through most of my nostrils now. Ah, how I excel at miscommunicating...
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