Ade (agentfroot) wrote,
Ade
agentfroot

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I know this is ridiculous, but I keep thinking I have chicken pox. Again. I had it over 15 years ago, but I can't shake the feeling that I have it again. There are a couple small patches of red, itchy skin on my belly and left side, and I have no idea where they came from. I was perfectly fine a week ago, then they just showed up. I can't think of any other cause for them, since my laundry detergent doesn't irritate me, I don't have any other rashes, and I'm otherwise in decent health. When I had chicken pox as a preschooler, I just had rashes all over my chest, stomach, and back (I still have some scars, little faded white or pink spots on my belly). I really doubt I have chicken pox now, it's probably something else going around, but I keep thinking it anyway. Oh well.

I just wrote this sonnet for my poetry class. It doesn't have a rhyme scheme, and it's not iambic, but we just had to write a 14-line poem with 10 syllables per line. I attempted to write a blazon, I don't know if I succeeded.

Hedwig
Bilgewater diners ignore the fortune
glistening and twinkling before them.
Beneath a crowning wig of spun white gold,
framed by silky wings of platinum curls,
her decorated face glitters with gems
like a treasure chest in a dank cavern.
Diamonds and sapphires shimmer on lids
where wounded aquamarine irises
set in opals gaze at a thankless crowd.
Rose quartz splashes across painted cheekbones,
her talc-dusted nose obtruding over
ruby disco ball rims where words surface.
These lips mine such dazzling melodies
that cherished jewels dull in their presence.

I don't know if I did her any justice... I just like Hedwig. *grins*

Tomorrow I go home! Eek, I have to clean my room, pack stuff, and finish the last few assignments I'm supposed to turn in! But at least I turned in the final copy of my FS paper on Jane Eyre. We spent half a semester talking about that book alone, and I'm sick of it. I hate analyzing literature, it takes all the fun out of reading. Someday when I'm a famous radical feminist author (hahaha), I'm going to make sure that nobody ever has to read one of my books in English class. They can go on recommended reading lists, and people can discuss them and write book reports on them, I just don't want some poor kid to have to write a paper about some central theme in them. Literature is supposed to be fun, not agonizing. I want people to enjoy my works, not analyze and criticize the hell out of them (except in critiques, then it's usually helpful, and I appreciate the feedback and knowing what people see in the characters). Gaaaah, someone remind me why I'm an English major. I'd make such a wonderful psychiatrist or computer game designer.

And Gaia is consuming my life more and more each day. I've been thinking how cool it would be to dye my hair purple and put it up in little buns. Well, I want to dye my hair purple anyway, but Talula has the cutest hair... *sigh* There should be a Gaia-addict support group (oh, wait... does Argo count?).

You know what? I read my friends page religiously (and so do most of you), and I'm noticing a pattern. Most of you have self-esteem issues. You're all wonderful, amazing people. That's why I love you. Yet you think you're stupid, ugly, socially inept, and a failure at whatever you do. Well, you're wrong. None of you are stupid (many of you are extremely intelligent), none of you are ugly, and even if you have problems making friends, it doesn't mean that people in general don't like you. If people didn't like you, why would anyone be reading your journal? I like you. I read your entries every day, and the more I learn about you, the more I like you. I may not represent the general population (ha, that would be the day...), but I'm a good judge of character, and you've all passed the test. As for being failures, none of you are. You might be having trouble in school, unemployed, stuck in a dead-end job, or having family problems, but don't judge yourself by your current position. You're all young (most of you are in the 15-21 range, that's still young), you have plenty of time to make mistakes and correct them. You're supposed to make mistakes when you're young, they make you wiser. You're supposed to be poor so that when you're middle-aged and living comfortably in the suburbs, you'll appreciate it. Don't despair if your love life is dead. It doesn't mean that you'll end up being an old cat lady (hey, nothing wrong with that - it's a future goal of mine hehehe). I know lots of people who were virgins into their late 20s and 30s (and some are still virgins in their 30s). They all know or knew love at some point in their lives. It's better to wait for someone worthwhile than throw yourself at some dweeb just because you want attention. For those of you in high school, remember, it does have an end. Then you'll be thankful you survived. You're only a failure if you refuse to try.

Well, that's my lecture. I don't know if that was any help, but I had to get that out of my system. I mean, I struggle with self-esteem issues too. People constantly teased me when I was younger, so I've always been rather insecure about myself, and I feel alienated from others. I know people like me, and I know I'm one heck of an interesting person, but sometimes I have trouble really believing it. It took a long time to learn to love myself, but I do. I am Ade. I rock. Yay.

And with that, I will grab a snack and perhaps do a little room cleaning before going to poetry class. Bye!
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