Ade (agentfroot) wrote,

  • Mood:
  • Music:
This morning, I broke my record for staying up late. I went to bed after 5 am. Last night, my cousin IMed me with all sorts of questions, and we ended up talking for about 2 1/2 hours until I decided that it was insanely late and I wanted to get SOME sleep. For some reason he was asking all these highly personal questions, and I ended up answering them. I told him stuff I've only told 1 or 2 people before. I mean... he's male... and a family member... I never talk about anything personal with family members, and I almost never even mention certain things about my personal life to guys (depends on who the guy is and our level of closeness). I just poured out my brain to him. And this was the guy who made my life hell for a couple summers back when we were younger (he did sincerely apologize about a year and a half ago when I confronted him about it, and we healed the rift between us). We rarely talk to each other, yet last night I found myself telling him some of my innermost secrets. And I found out that basically my whole family has suspicions about my sexual orientation because of the lack of male involvement. Well... even if I was completely heterosexual there wouldn't be any male involvement because there seems to be a lack of male interest in me and vice versa. I'm pretty much asexual, though occasionally I find myself interested in people of either gender. Well, all my cousins have had significant others from junior high on (my older cousins anyway, I'm not including my toddler cousins). My cousin April was engaged at my age. And here I am, almost 20, and I've never had a boyfriend (unless you count first grade) or even a girlfriend for that matter. I don't really care, and there's nothing wrong with being chronically single. I think it's hilarious that my entire family (at least on my dad's side) suspects something. I told my cousin they were right, but he's sworn to secrecy not to reveal any bits of our conversation to anyone.

blupyglet: by the way, what is my family reputation?
KLC53846: the first one is yes, and after the first time I took a psych class and studdied women and how they think and feel
KLC53846: lets see
KLC53846: family reputation huh...
blupyglet: be honest
KLC53846: always comming up with strange things off the top of your head, I'll confess that most of the family thinks that you are at least a little... Bi
KLC53846: you are hard to predict
blupyglet: lol really? i know the strange things part... people tell me i'm like that all the time
blupyglet: but does most of the family really think i'm bi?
KLC53846: for a long time you seemed really depressed about everything
blupyglet: i was, i tried to hide it
KLC53846: yes, they aren't sure of it but they have their suspicions
blupyglet: well their suspicions are accurate... just don't tell them i said that
blupyglet: i'm 90% asexual, 10% bi... that's how i define it
KLC53846: your secret is safe with me
blupyglet: thanks.
KLC53846: as long as what you do makes you happy thats all that really matters in the long run
blupyglet: even though i don't really "do" anything...
KLC53846: not for lack of curiosity
blupyglet: and i suppose if i wear my rainbow brite shirt next time i see anyone they'll really suspect something...
KLC53846: mmmm, yeah
blupyglet: and the rainbow shoelaces
KLC53846: that might do it
blupyglet: and my "sorry i missed church, i was practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian" shirt
KLC53846: definately
blupyglet: oh gosh i'm so obvious it's funny
KLC53846: oh well
blupyglet: my parents haven't really asked about anything, but if they haven't figured it out by now...
blupyglet: gosh, this is hilarious
KLC53846: I think they have figured it out and are just going to take a long time to come to terms with it
blupyglet: does everyone think it's a bad thing?
blupyglet: i'm surprised they haven't asked about it yet
KLC53846: no, it doesn't seem like it, it's just different and kinda taboo
KLC53846: I don't think any of the parent types would talk to you about it, I don't think their generation is comfortable with talking about things like that
blupyglet: yeah... i don't think the family would outcast me if they all knew the truth, they'd just be weird about it
blupyglet: it's not like i've done anything wrong
blupyglet: i'm mostly innocent


blupyglet: i think i'm the weirdest person in the family (which says a lot...)
blupyglet: and i'm darn proud of it, too
blupyglet: i like being me.
KLC53846: you might be, but I claim a close second
blupyglet: hmmm... we'll see... next time we have a big reunion (we NEED one...) i'll see how weird you really are...


blupyglet: so how long has the family suspected that i'm not straight?
KLC53846: about a year
blupyglet: hmmm... just your section or the east coast ones?
KLC53846: pretty much all of them
blupyglet: oh wow, that's hilarious. i mean, you rarely see me, and i'm really quiet and secretive. so what prompted the suspicion?
KLC53846: the lack of male involvement
blupyglet: (i did accidentally leave my "but i'm a cheerleader" dvd at barb's house)
blupyglet: oh yes, that would definitely do it
KLC53846: thats an interesting movie
blupyglet: but males aren't interested in me anyway, or at least they don't seem to be
blupyglet: it's silly and makes fun of homophobes, that's why i like it

Well, it's the day of silence so I'm being silent (vocally anyway) until 6 pm. After that, I need to talk, since we're discussing submissions for the next Golem journal and I want to be part of the ed board. Both my classes were cancelled today, which should give me time to work on homework due tomorrow and study for the 2 tests I have on Friday (Back to back! Gaaaaaaaah!). That is, once I pry myself off the computer...

  • Writer's Block: Conversation starters

    Now I'm picturing the most awkward conversation with a new person... Person: Hi! I'm person! Ade: Hi, I'm Ade. Person: Have you accepted Jesus…

  • (no subject)

    Time for another "year in retrospect" post. 2010 was actually a pretty good year for me, all things considered. In the middle of January, I adopted…

  • (no subject)

    Well, NaNoWriMo is over. In one way, I failed to meet my original goal, but I didn't fail epically, and I did make good progress. The original goal…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 1 comment