Ade (agentfroot) wrote,

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Wow. My parents rock. Right after turning in that despised FS final, I got these care packages from them. One is a box full of fruit and mostly healthy snacks (I didn't know that organic mac and cheese existed...), and the other is a bucket full of TOYS! Like play-doh and cards and beach balls and other stuff and a PEZ dispenser that I don't already have! Considering I have about 100 PEZ dispensers (I bought most of them a few summers ago when I was going through this huge PEZ craze...), that's pretty amazing. It's one of those new Looney Tunes ones where the characters are trying to be cool, and they look like they stepped out of 1987. Yep, Tweety looks really hip in a sideways purple and orange baseball cap. Girls just wanna have fun, yo! Anyway, I really appreciate the packages, even though I don't deserve them because the only effort I'm putting into finals is kicking myself in the bum for being lazy and typing all sorts of bullshit an hour before the papers are due. And yet I tend to make mostly B's with my lack of effort. Well, whatever works.

> > > Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this
> > > guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global
> > > Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs
> > > on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent
> > > to his sister.
> > > She then sent it to The X, 103.2 FM in Ft Wayne IN,
> > > who was sponsoring a "worst job experience" contest.
> > > Needless to say, she won.
> > > Hi Sue,
> > > Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
> > > Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know
> > > you've been feeling down lately at work, so I
> > > thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you
> > > realize it's not so bad after all.
> > > Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first
> > > must bore you with a few technicalities of my job.
> > > As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the
> > > sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This
> > > time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do
> > > to keep warm is this: we have a diesel powered
> > > industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of
> > > equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats
> > > it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it
> > > down to the diver through a garden hose, which is
> > > taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn
> > > good plan, and I've used it several times with no
> > > complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and
> > > start working, is take the hose and stuff it down
> > > the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit
> > > with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
> > > Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my
> > > butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it.
> > > This only made things worse. Within a few seconds
> > > my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my
> > > back, but the damage was done.
> > > In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water
> > > machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into
> > > my suit. Now since I don't have any hair on my back,
> > > the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the
> > > crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched
> > > what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
> > > jellyfish into my butt.
> > > I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the
> > > communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the
> > > fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were all
> > > laughing hysterically.
> > > Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed
> > > to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops
> > > totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the
> > > surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I
> > > arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my
> > > brass helmet.
> > > As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears
> > > of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of
> > > cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon
> > > as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out,
> > > but I couldn't poop for 2 days because my butt hole
> > > was swollen shut.
> > > So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think
> > > about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish
> > > shoved up your butt.
> > > Now repeat to yourself,
> > > "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job..."

Wow. Just... wow. And ow.

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