Ade (agentfroot) wrote,

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Hi, leentigress! Consider yourself added back. And I like your icon!

French vanilla tea is highly overrated.

More stupid Katie quotes:
"Ade, did you lose all your teeth?"
"Her daughter is a year and a half old. No, wait, she's not, she's 18 months old."

My dad sent me this, and it makes me feel so... intelligent. But the answers are so hilarious, I was making all sorts of weird laugh-sounds. I put several asterisks by my personal favorites.

The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history
test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humour is in the

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the
Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made
unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died
before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a
female moth.

5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving
people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of
wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits,
and threw the java.

7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to
be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard

***** 9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she
was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops
they all shouted "hurrah."

***** 10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention
was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical
figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir
Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper.

***** 11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.
He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never
made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote
tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last
wish was to be laid by Juliet.

12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes.
He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton
wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise

13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were
two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse
divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is
still dead.

***** 14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's
mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he
built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by
signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14,
1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one
of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator
was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined
Booth's career.

***** 15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions
and had a large number of children. In between he
practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach
died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in
the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian,
and half English. He was very large.

16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He
was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in
the forest even when everyone was calling for him.
Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

***** 17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many
thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by
hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention
of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did
the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a
cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who
wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered
the radio.

*still laughing at the last sentence of 10*

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