July 2nd, 2002

"I'm a nun - I'm a penguin!"

(no subject)

i am so socially retarded. yesterday i visited my sister at camp. i saw kat, who i hung out with long ago. i hadn't seen her since i was 15 and she was 11, and she's a lot different now. she has blue hair and wears funky clothing. from a strange little girl to a strange tall skinny teenager. she kinda looks like a blue-haired version of my friend nicole too, which is weird. well, she's 15 now, and i guess i'm just not used to her that way. we were such good friends when we were younger despite the 4-year age difference, but when i saw her all i could say was, "hi, remember me?" i wanted to talk to her but i was stupid and shy. oh well. i guess if she turned out weird it's good. *sigh* i just miss camp. and my sister stole my purple towel that cj gave me, THEN she swiped my bandana from inside my backpack. well, she's a jerk. and she hassled my mom about being the only girl in her cabin who didn't get any cool care packages (i felt the same way - left out - because i never got more than postcards and boring letters). she wants teenager magazines. the girl is seriously the complete opposite of me. well, she's 12, what can i expect?

today was boring. but i did read half of "violet and claire" by francesca lia block because megan said i should. she's right. good book. we put deer netting up in the garden. woohoo. i need to make reservations for confluence. i need to write a novel. i need to do something with my life. i can't wait til the alpha workshop. it will be the highlight of my summer, basically. things are so boring. though this weekend was pretty fun, especially talking to nora at the party on friday. i mean, we talked about everything in an hour or two. i told her about my FBI incident in 8th grade, she told us about "boob kid," and we just laughed and laughed.

anyway, i think i'll shut up now. i'm hungry.
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"I'm a nun - I'm a penguin!"

how weird do my conversations get?

blupyglet: hi
Delfishie: are we dead?
blupyglet: my computer screwed up and i couldn't see what you said, so i restarted it
Delfishie: ahhh
Delfishie: so the bus didn't explode and kill us all?
blupyglet: it's been acting stranger and stranger lately
blupyglet: not that i know of
Delfishie: and the fire I saw, it was just a figment of my imagination?
Delfishie: And the scent of gasoline, that was just my lack of deodorant?
blupyglet: yes
blupyglet: you smell like gasoline, my dear
Delfishie: and the screams of the other passengers, that was just my System of A Down?
blupyglet: yep
Delfishie: And the squeel of the tires, that was just my shoes on the hardwood floor?
blupyglet: of course! you imagined the whole thing!
blupyglet: you morbid creature...
Delfishie: And the dead bodies littered all around me, that was just from last nights shotgun-poluza?
blupyglet: lol
Delfishie: I should have known! Of course...
Delfishie: Still want to know where those bodies came from, though
Delfishie: I figured so as long as I cleaned em properly and didn't eat the liver they'd be okay
Delfishie: but if they came from a tainted source
Delfishie: maybe got a bit too much gasoline on em
Delfishie: I could get sick after my manwich
Delfishie: or maybe my man salad
blupyglet: damn those serial killers, leaving their victims everywhere...
blupyglet: lol
Delfishie: hmmm
Delfishie: serial killers?
blupyglet: sure
Delfishie: That'd make more sense than the crash I just envisioned
Delfishie: and explain the lack of burn marks on the bodies
blupyglet: they go around overturning buses and then leaving the victims in random places
Delfishie: although not the twisted illusions
Delfishie: Ohhh
Delfishie: maybe the flames were just my imagination
Delfishie: How did I escape, then?
Delfishie: I mean, I could've sworn I was on that bus
blupyglet: you were in the bathroom
Delfishie: waiting to get to Arkansas to start my newl life as an underpaid waitress in a pit stop filled with truckers and sweat...
Delfishie: In the bathroom?
Delfishie: with the burning and the screaming and the crashing and the dying?
blupyglet: yep
Delfishie: all around the toilet?
Delfishie: Hmmm
Delfishie: remind me to avoid peeing from now on
blupyglet: no, you were in the bus bathroom, fixing your hair
Delfishie: ohhh
Delfishie: My hair?
Delfishie: I did use a lot of hairspray
Delfishie: odd
blupyglet: the sink exploded and sprayed water all over the fire threatening to consume you
Delfishie: in the bathroom?
Delfishie: there was fire in the bathroom?
Delfishie: from where?
blupyglet: it was on the bus, not in the bathroom
Delfishie: Ohhh
Delfishie: Oh yeah
Delfishie: so the fire came from when the engine exploded!
Delfishie: But how did the bodies get into my house?!
Delfishie: I mean, I love a good hunka thigh muscle as much as the next gal, but really!
Delfishie: I imagine that my extra padding would've kept me from being hurt too much
blupyglet: lol
blupyglet: yes
Delfishie: Maybe it was the wolves..?
blupyglet: see, fat is quite good in these situations
Delfishie: oh yes
Delfishie: There are many wild wolves on the road between here and Arkansas
Delfishie: and the bus was only travelling for an hour or so
blupyglet: but the serial killer responsible for making the engine explode packed the bodies into his truck and took them to your house
Delfishie: Oh
Delfishie: OH!
Delfishie: So he could be in my house right now!?!?!
Delfishie: And it wasn't wolves at all...
blupyglet: see, since you're the sole survivor, he wanted to frame you
Delfishie: Oh god...
Delfishie: yes! Of course!
blupyglet: naw, he's at a company picnic in wisconsin
Delfishie: Dear lord, how I am going to get rid of the evidence?!
Delfishie: oh thank god
Delfishie: what company?
Delfishie: There's a company?
Delfishie: Can I work there?
blupyglet: his mafia
blupyglet: sure
Delfishie: mafia?
Delfishie: like black suits and guns?
Delfishie: That's so boring!
blupyglet: yeah! the polynesian mafia!
Delfishie: Who was on the bus that the mafia would want to kill?
blupyglet: no, pink leisure suits and slingshots
Delfishie: oh, pink leisure suits. Those sure strike fear into the heart of man!
blupyglet: a guy named steve]
blupyglet: yeah!
Delfishie: Steve? Oh no! Not STEVE from Blue's Clues!?!?!
Delfishie: My one and only! My darling! My dear!
blupyglet: not that steve
Delfishie: phew!
Delfishie: geez!
blupyglet: steve a. rino
Delfishie: Clarify, already!
Delfishie: rino
Delfishie: hmmm
Delfishie: Not the famouse Pennyslvanian Amish Drug Lord!?!?!
blupyglet: not that one
blupyglet: his third cousin
Delfishie: The man who has his enemies' ears lopped off with a scyth!
Delfishie: third cousin?
Delfishie: but why?
Delfishie: what's in it for the polynesian mafia
Delfishie: that would cause them to waste so many pounds of good meat?
blupyglet: his third cousin stole a lollipop from the leader in 4th grade
Delfishie: My god! That bastard! And he thought he could get away with that!?!
blupyglet: yes!
Delfishie: And since I was the only survivor, they needed to get the blame away from polynesia and figured they'd set me up!
Delfishie: And I thought it'd just been a dream....
blupyglet: yeah!
Delfishie: except for the bodies
Delfishie: But...but...how do you know all this?
blupyglet: uhmm... gade is od!
blupyglet: lol
Delfishie: alas, it just doesn't work like that
blupyglet: uh... *sigh* i watched the whole thing
Delfishie: from where?
Delfishie: With binnoculars?!?!
blupyglet: i was hanging upside-down in a tree
blupyglet: no
blupyglet: i just have good vision
Delfishie: ah.... Didn't you try to help? I mean, it takes a while to load all the dead bodies into a truck, you know.
Delfishie: No matter how many llamas the polynesian mafia might have with them
blupyglet: yeah, i helped, and the mafia dude gave me 3 bucks and a candy cane
Delfishie: you traitor!!!
Delfishie: You helped them set me up all along!
Delfishie: I'll get you for this!
blupyglet: hey, a candy cane is a candy cane!
blupyglet: you can have half if you want
Delfishie: ...Just as soon as I'm done hacking off an elderly woman's leg for a midnight snack...
blupyglet: i'm not finished with it yet
blupyglet: hehe ok
Delfishie: no! No candy cane is worth the price of betrayl (plus I'm kinda full from all the human flesh)
blupyglet: well... you can have a dollar i suppose...
Delfishie: I'll have you know that my great-aunt is the ex-wife of the grandfather of the best friend of the baby-sitter of the baby son of the head of the polynesian mafia!!!!
Delfishie: I have connections too, ya know!
Delfishie: That are worth far more than a dollar!
blupyglet: hehe
Delfishie: And, to top that off, I'm not even gonna share any of my delicious new red meat with you!
Delfishie: You'll just have to go hungry
Delfishie: and a candy cane will only last you for so long...
Delfishie: until, hungry and starving
Delfishie: you'll knock weakly at my door
blupyglet: well, my sister's best friend's uncle's parakeet's mom's hairdresser's son's gangsta buddy is watching you right now!
Delfishie: begging for some delicious sailor flesh and then...
Delfishie: then I'll kick you in the head!
blupyglet: hah!
blupyglet: i'll kick you in the knee first!
Delfishie: Well, I'm blowing a raspberry out the window right now at your gangster friend!
Delfishie: My knee will then kick you some more!
Delfishie: *kick kick kick*
blupyglet: ow! stop that!
blupyglet: *whips out Minerva*
Delfishie: Hah!
Delfishie: You mean "Mathilda"!
Delfishie: Your blunted sword has nothing on the awesome power which is my left kneecap!
blupyglet: no! i mean minerva! minerva mcgonagall, to be exact!
blupyglet: hah! you get detention for kicking me!
blupyglet: and ten points from gryffindor!
Delfishie: I don't belong in gryffindor!
Delfishie: I belong in...*da da daaaa*...HELL!
Delfishie: (*Gasp! Shock! Surprise*)
blupyglet: well that's for the mafia dude
blupyglet: 10 points from hell too!
Delfishie: She has no control over the dark and dreary kingdom of hellfire and sulfur!
Delfishie: She has no authority there!
blupyglet: yes she does!
Delfishie: Only I, Megan the great and powerful, hold any sort of semblance to a master, a leader, and feared and powerful sorceress, in those terrible and awesome infernos!
blupyglet: her sister's fairy godmother's aunt works there!
Delfishie: Do you mean Aunt Rubella D'ella Lalaurie Conneroy the III?
blupyglet: yes!
Delfishie: She's my favorite candy striper...in HELL!
Delfishie: (*da da daaaaa*)
blupyglet: well her boyfriend is satan's lover's cat's MOTHER!
Delfishie: her boyfriend is a female cat?
Delfishie: that's impossible
Delfishie: I mean, then it would technically be girlfriend.
Delfishie: You lying liar who lies!
blupyglet: no
blupyglet: the cat is a transsexual!
blupyglet: hah!
Delfishie: I refuse to believe you
Delfishie: as you are a lying liar
blupyglet: i am not!
Delfishie: who helped put the dead bodies in my house without my permission!
blupyglet: even ask the cat!
blupyglet: you should be thanking me!
Delfishie: No! There is no cat! There is no Aunt Conneroy and there certainly is no spoon!
blupyglet: i knew you were hungry!
Delfishie: says you! You probably purposefully didn't refridgerate the bodies so that I'd get salmonella and DIE!
blupyglet: hmmm, then where did my 3 dollars and this half-eaten candy cane come from?
Delfishie: Your proctologist found them
Delfishie: he called earlier to say so
blupyglet: actually i was hoping you'd have a barbecue and invite me
blupyglet: damn...
Delfishie: only if you apologize
blupyglet: how did you find out about my affair with a proctologist?
Delfishie: Affair!?!
Delfishie: Affair!?!?!
Delfishie: I only knew of his findings!
blupyglet: oops... was that out loud?
Delfishie: My god, the things in your butt... I can't even begin to describe what he told me!
blupyglet: i meant... uh...
blupyglet: they weren't in my butt!
blupyglet: they were in my lower intestine!
Delfishie: uh huh
Delfishie: that's not what he told me
blupyglet: he lies!
Delfishie: how is Enriquo the proctologist anyways?
blupyglet: oh, he's great
blupyglet: he was wearing such a pretty dress today
Delfishie: How's his gonnerhea getting along?
blupyglet: better
Delfishie: And have the pubic lice cleared up yet?
blupyglet: ever since he started drinking broccoli juice, he's been all right
blupyglet: almost
blupyglet: he sold most to a flea circus
Delfishie: ew
Delfishie: poor fleas
Delfishie: pubic lice never learn to share
blupyglet: they don't!
blupyglet: i had to kick some off for him
Delfishie: tell him to use shampoo
Delfishie: and shave his damn legs already
Delfishie: my god, they're just so scratchy in bed!
Delfishie: ...um...I mean...
blupyglet: yeah, the hair is turning purple
blupyglet: HEY!
blupyglet: oh, i see what this is all about!
Delfishie: Like you didn't know! I left clues, ya know! Lipstick on his collar! My phone number and escort agency card in his back pocket...
blupyglet: you wanted him all for yourself!
blupyglet: *grr*
Delfishie: you bitch! He wants me, not you!
Delfishie: ME ME ME!
blupyglet: like he wears clothes when i'm around!
Delfishie: Always!
blupyglet: he's MINE!
Delfishie: He told me!
blupyglet: MY sex slave!
Delfishie: He only parades around nude when you ask him to
Delfishie: He does so with me automatically
Delfishie: so hah!
Delfishie: Mine!
Delfishie: I'm the one who got him that dog collar
blupyglet: well i bought the whip and handcuffs!
Delfishie: and gave him the nickname FartySmellyPukeFace!
blupyglet: and where did you think the vibrator came from?
Delfishie: So you leave Enriquo alone!
Delfishie: Good Vibrations?
Delfishie: And he's mine!
Delfishie: mine mine mine
blupyglet: yes! i ordered it!
blupyglet: mine!
Delfishie: Plus, proctology pays the rent
Delfishie: and he pays my rent always on time
blupyglet: *grrr* why can't she just share?
Delfishie: because he loves me
blupyglet: he's *big* enough for both of us!
Delfishie: *she*?
blupyglet: though not at the same time...
Delfishie: yeah, 445
Delfishie: pounds
Delfishie: ew
Delfishie: big?
blupyglet: that's 222 1/2 for each of us
Delfishie: ew!
Delfishie: no!
Delfishie: badness!
blupyglet: *pouts*
Delfishie: bad suggestion, young hell fiend
Delfishie: don't pout
Delfishie: you don't do it well
Delfishie: at all
blupyglet: *grimaces*
Delfishie: plus, that was a little TMI if you ask me
Delfishie: there ya go
blupyglet: humph
blupyglet: well poop on you! and i'll find plenty of his clients to do that, so HAH!
Delfishie: Hah yourself
Delfishie: you haha
Delfishie: you Ha who Has often!
blupyglet: well that settles it, i'm taking over his office!
blupyglet: his "personal" office
Delfishie: then maybe you could find your head?
Delfishie: Although I have several extras after that accident...
blupyglet: it's easy to find my head! on his pillows!
Delfishie: Never treat meat like that!
Delfishie: Ever!
blupyglet: well they never told me that in cooking class...
Delfishie: Now I'm seriously considering not inviting you and Enriquo to the barbeque
Delfishie: sheesh
Delfishie: treat your dead bodies with care
Delfishie: or else the hamburgers just taste nasty
blupyglet: fine, we were going to stay home and snuggle anyways!
Delfishie: hmpth
Delfishie: or maybe I'll just invite Enriquo!
Delfishie: Hah!
blupyglet: not after you gave him the pubic lice!
Delfishie: It wasn't me, you foolish fool!
Delfishie: It was VELMA!!!!
Delfishie: His ex-wife!
blupyglet: *gasp*
blupyglet: velma and i are engaged!
Delfishie: She's not faithful at all!
Delfishie: I've seen her with him!
Delfishie: and she's crawling all over with the buggers
Delfishie: Fleas, too!
blupyglet: well i'm not exactly faithful either...
Delfishie: She's forsworn baths and sticks to melted butter behind the ears!
Delfishie: just like Elizabeth, queen of england!
Delfishie: only hispanic!
blupyglet: well she shaved last night so she's perfectly bug-free now!
Delfishie: um...
blupyglet: except for the centipedes
Delfishie: amber encrusted centipedes?
blupyglet: yep!
blupyglet: from the cafeteria pudding!
Delfishie: Tell her some nice pickle juice will get them right off
blupyglet: thanks
Delfishie: no probelm
Delfishie: blem
blupyglet: :-D
Delfishie: hey, are you going to make a new guild icon?
blupyglet: oh yeah...
blupyglet: thanks for reminding me...
blupyglet: i was looking for something to do :-)
Delfishie: yay
blupyglet: well, i'm going to zonk out soon
blupyglet: bedtime for ade
blupyglet: goodnight
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