September 9th, 2002

"I'm a nun - I'm a penguin!"

(no subject)

PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!

*cough* there, i got that out of my system. sorry. it's just an amusing word.

weeeeooooo it's HOT in here (but i'm keeping my clothing ON even though i live alone...). it's also 12:24 AM and i STILL haven't written my brit. lit. paper about religious controversy in the elizabethan age. but then, it's only 2 pages and i have 10 1/2 hours to do it. i managed to finish my psychology assignment, analyzing gender portrayals in magazine ads. of course, the only magazine i currently subscribe to is "realms of fantasy," and i don't have any of those up here with me. so i looked at the magazines in the campus bookstore, but the ones that somewhat appealed to me didn't have many advertisements, and there was no way i was going to spend my own money on the evils of a cosmo mag and be seen BUYING one of the hideous things for the sake of an assignment. so i bought a "weekly world news" because they had a bunch of freaks on the cover (since alpha i've been into silly tabloids because they're great for ideas and laughs). i used an ad from that (a study-at-home program thingy featuring a woman), and i found the other 3 ads i needed on the internet (weeee i get to criticize beauty ideals and portrayals of scantily-clad people!).

anywho, why am i typing in here when i should be working on the damn paper so i can get to bed and not be too cranky tomorrow morning? i dunno. tomorrow will be fairly busy too. MORE things due on tuesday, along with other activities. maybe tomorrow i'll have to wean myself from playing neoquest (must... defeat... jahbal... damn the addictiveness or modern RPGs! it's YOUR fault i'm not getting As!). heeee i love my posters. tori amos is a GODDESS! i need to bring more of my posters up next time i go home. like my rocky horror one (YEAH!). i wanna bring my beloved mannequin up too (imagine the stares as i tote a 6-foot barbie doll up to the 4th floor...). i miss my mannequin! my parents would probably give me a hard time about it (they don't like my mannequin, i know they don't!), but she's MINE, i paid over $200 for her that night when i went insane on ebay, and i'm sure she'll be of use! i can use her for an art project or a fencing opponent! she can sleep in the empty bed! i can put her out in the hallway and freak out all the sorority girls! i can disassemble her and carry her leg around with me to scare people with! i can keep a hand in my backpack and open it real wiiiiiide for people around me to see in class! gosh i'm insane.

maybe i should recycle all those plastic bottles accumulating on the shelf. maybe i should shut up and do my homework. maybe it would be cooler if i changed into lighter pajamas. maybe i should do my laundry on tuesday since i have lots of stuff to do tomorrow. gaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh 4 flights of stairs and laundry don't mix. hmmm, i should get some huge football player dude to carry my heavy stuff for me. i can call him "rufus!" rufus! do my laundry! rufus! take my computer to murray and make them fix it! rufus! get the damn top bunk off because the elf face underneath is scaring me and i keep injuring myself on it! rufus! get that thing that's too high for me to reach! rufus! go buy me more ramen noodles and orange gatorade!

eh. goodnight.
"I'm a nun - I'm a penguin!"

(no subject)

oy. juuuuust turned in my english paper on religious controversy in the elizabethan age. i should have written it last night (i wrote the title, the references, and made a semi-outline...), but i was playing neoquest, doing lj stuff, and working on the psych magazine ad activity that's due at 1:30 (finished it though). now it's lunch time, but i'm going to wait a bit for the crowds to fade. last year i liked to go for lunch at 11:30 when only a few people were there. this year i have classes every day that go til noon, so i have a window of an hour to eat. ah well. sometimes i sit with people, sometimes i eat alone. it usually depends, and i feel like i have to be invited to sit with people. sheesh, i see people i know eating and there are empty spaces available, but i go sit off by myself. why do i do that? am i such a sociophobe that i can't bring myself to eat with my friends? and how does this make me look? like i'm snobby and too good to sit with anyone or i don't like them or i like outcasting myself? that's it. when i go to lunch, if i see someone i know, i'm plopping down at the table if there's room. and i'm going to attempt being social. there are people here who are very nice to me and accepting (especially the argo folks, they rule!), and i just act like i LIKE isolating myself. i also have this fear of asking for help. my bunk bed is still stuck on top because i'm afraid to ask someone to help me get it down. i sit around and wait for people to offer me help, then i act as if i can do everything myself when i CAN'T because i have to be independent. i have no common sense. instead of saying, "yes, i would appreciate it if you helped me _______," i say "i can do it myself." i could be fighting off a herd of vampires (i'm terrified of them) and buffy would show up offering assistance and i'd say "it's ok, i have a stake, i can do it." jeesh. what's with me? is there a complex that describes me? i'm a psychological wonder.

no, i'm not in a depressed mood right now. i'm just hungry and bitter. i'll be better after i eat something with sugar in it. aaaaaaghhhh i need to buy more fooood but i have no transportation to get to a grocery store... so i'm stuck with only 3 cups of ramen noodles, 4 apple juice boxes, and whatever i can get from the campus store. again, i'm too shy to ask anyone if they're planning a trip to giant eagle soon.

i wish i had my wings with me. those would be fun to wear around campus. freaking the mundanes! i think i'll upload the pictures of me wearing them. i need COSTUMES here too, i don't have any with me so i can't wear a lana to class and get stared at all day! but then again, i'd probably trip over all the fabric since those lanas are all like size 74 since laura thinks everything should be incredibly loose, saggy, amorphous, and concealing all the "lumps and bumps" she's so ashamed of. silly laura. i hope gro(o)ve city doesn't tamper with her insanity.

hungry! food! bye!
"I'm a nun - I'm a penguin!"

(no subject)

mommy, buy me THIS! actually, i saw it at hot topic when i was there with my mom, and i wanted it, but it was expensive and my mom was already buying me 2 pairs of pants and pippi longstocking underwear so i didn't get it. but... i still want it... *sigh*
"I'm a nun - I'm a penguin!"

(no subject)

duuuuude, i can put pictures up now! weehee! i looooove my wings! they're so great! i wish i had them here with me...

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  • Current Music
    the music from "city lights" in my head
"I'm a nun - I'm a penguin!"

(no subject)

and so, for the 487578025th post today...

i'm such a dork. i took everything across campus to the art studio, got there, then realized i left my sketchbook in my room. and i needed my sketchbook for my painting! but i did go back to get it and finish my painting at a decent hour. i taped the brush to a long stick and just slapped the paper, making all sorts of lines, smears, and smudges. it came out interesting, but i like my "disgruntled pig" picture better. i had some extra black paint, so i wrote "MONKEY!" on the ceiling (sticks come in handy), then drew a smiley face with fangs and horns on this pillar thing. whoopeee. there was another girl in the studio when i got there working on her painting, and we talked a bit. i still don't know her name, but if she told me i'd probably forget anyway. *sigh* i hope we do some more drawing tomorrow. i love drawing. i dunno if we're going to have any nude models (yeah, i specialize in headless naked female torsos... shut up and stop laughing at me!), but it would be interesting if we did. i really miss cmu pre-college art, that was a lot of fun. pat was an awesome teacher, and i love subtractive drawing. i took her drawing/anatomy class 3 times.

EVERYONE should go buy THIS! i just preordered it today. yeehawwwww, i can'twaitcantwaitcantwait...

today there was an argo meeting (yay!) and then we had dinner, but dinner was YUCKY except for the apple juice. argo rocks. the thing is... and i don't have the power to admit this to most people... (jessica, if you're reading this, don't have me thrown out of argo, please!) ...i've never actually played dungeons and dragons. or any other traditional, table-top rpgs. i'm sure i could learn, and i could join a game, but i wouldn't know what to do and i'd feel stupid. sure, they're similar in ways to the rpgs i'm used to (dragon warrior, dragon warrior monsters, pokemon, neoquest, etc. - computer and game boy games), but they're a lot different. they also seem like they're a lot more fun, and unlike electronic rpgs, people play against OTHER people and there's character freedom. *sigh* i need to learn. why did my parents shelter me so much? why can't my parents be cool nerds instead of stupid nerds? *grumbles to self*

i'm almost finished with my bag of popcorn. i bought one of those 2 oz bags (about 4 cups in it), and i've devoured it in the past 2 hours. oink oink.

i miss my high school friends. i miss my silly grownup friends. i miss dahling and gummi bear. i miss alpha. maybe i should stop missing people and get NEW friends here. after all, it's my 2nd year here and i still isolate myself, even from the people i really like. last year i made some good friends, but then most of them either graduated or transferred. i have some semi-good friends here, people i really like who i think like me (jeez ade, of course they like you, otherwise they wouldn't invite you to sit with them at meals when they see you or say HI to you when they walk by...). the thing is, i don't socialize with them enough. they say "come visit me" and i say "maybe" but then just stay in my room all the time and wonder why nobody visits me. i'm just socially retarded.

meanwhile, laura is off at groove city pretending to be "normal" yet telling everyone there our stories about our secret lives. megan is at slippery rock, trying to make friends and dealing with the guy who has a crush on her. of course, people ostracized her through high school, and she's really freaked out at the idea that this guy LIKES her. cj is trying to find another job after the layoff tore her life apart. spam is working 2 jobs, dealing with realizing she's bi, and participating in some hardcore celebrity rpg online where she plays lance bass. kathy is probably working the graveyard shift at super 8, getting stoned at the counter. alexia is in florida, checking out the hot chicks. and i have no idea what my other friends are up to.

are we all going off in our own directions? are we sticking together despite our situations? what will happen after i graduate in 2 1/2 years? what about when megan and laura graduate? what about spam, is she going to be a professional pooper scooper/cashier forever? will cj get another job in pittsburgh, or will she have to leave the city and start elsewhere? what about my sister? will 7th grade be a breeze for her? will she be as popular as she was last year? will she be a total outcast like me and spend the entire year alone, crying nearly every day because she has no good friends and boys sexually harass her? well, no, she's nothing like me, so she'll most likely be in the upper franklin crowd. what about puberty? will she randomly discover a surprise in her pants one afternoon and freak out, or will she be happy about it? will she succumb to society's pressures and end up hating her body forever? will she have tons of boyfriends? eesh.

i shouldn't worry so much. i should just concentrate on doing my work here, and THEN, senior year, i can panic and worry all the time. plus, megan and i were discussing getting an apartment or something together after college, but 4 years can change plans. she's a year behind me, so i'll have to deal with things on my own for a year until she graduates. i figure (and this plan is subject to change, of course) i'll get a job after i graduate, get my own apartment, and try to make ends meet until i somehow prosper (i'm an english major, so i know i'll never be rich unless i become as famous as jk rowling). ah, screw the future. the present is what's important now. i'm sitting in my computer chair, listening to tori and posting stuff in my journal. that's of the utmost importance now.

i get on a roll and i don't know when to stop. oy. goodnight.
  • Current Music
    "siren," by tori amos
"I'm a nun - I'm a penguin!"

(no subject)

i just saw how long my last entry is - jeesh no wonder i'm a creative writing major... ;)
  • Current Music
    rupaul - supermodel