apparently i was quite the first grade delinquent. while we were making dinner, my sister told me that my parents used to receive calls from the school a lot. i don't know why my parents told her that and not me, but they did. so my dad started talking about how i drove my teacher crazy. i didn't like mrs. scott at all, even though she gave me my own specialized reading program (i was way ahead of the other kids, so i was reading the boxcar children when they were learning to read). anyway, apparently i was always making rude mouth noises, and once i even got the entire class chanting until the teacher lost control. once she called on me and i just laughed at her. well, i don't know what all that was about, but i know i was the only kid with my own punishment program as well. first i'd face the coats, then i'd have to go sit in the hall (i hated that, and all the older kids would stare at me and ask if i was in trouble when they walked by), then she'd call my mom and i'd have to go home. i think i only got sent home once, but i was really a crazy kid. sometimes i got sent to the principal's office, and i remember telling dr. jones, "sometimes my mind slips." she told me to come see her if my mind ever slipped, but no self-respecting 6-year-old would be caught dead voluntarily seeing the principal, so i kept getting in trouble. hah. but now i know why i was such a wild child. nobody knew i had tourette syndrome until a neurologist diagnosed me when i was 15. kids used to make fun of me for grimacing or making weird noises (i never actually swore repetitively like the stereotypical tourette case). that was in addition to pulling my backpack on the bus, calling me "boogar," constantly making fun of my height ("you're tinier than your toe!" "I didn't know 3rd graders looked like kindergarteners!"), etc. no wonder i was a brat. i stabbed my friend in the hand with a pencil once, and she was terrified that she'd get lead poisoning, even though they had stopped making lead pencils for a few years. but anyway, i wonder how much of my unruliness was caused by tourettes and how much was due to my unconventional nature. i did have good friends, those who could stand me. i had a lot of friends. i even had a boyfriend in 1st grade. of course, being the runt of the pack, i got lots of hand-me-downs from my friends, which was incredibly embarrassing, but it saved my mom money on clothes. being bullied didn't bother me much until junior high, when sexual harassment came into the picture and my gender and body were as much a target as my size and eccentric personality. the tourette symptoms slowed down a bit, but my parents yelled at me for constantly sniffling, clearing my throat, coughing, etc. in 7th grade my self-esteem vanished, and i was almost friendless (i had a few so-so off-and-on buddies, but no real good friends after going from catholic to public school). so of course i was miserable until i made decent friends in 8th grade and the friendships grew stronger in 9th. of course, during junior high my cousin decided to molest me (i'll save that story for another time), and that made things a lot worse. the beginning of high school was rough, but i had good friends, despite a rather nasty argument with one that took a long time to heal. then i was diagnosed with tourette syndrome and suddenly everything made sense. i thought, YEAH i have a REASON for this, i'm not completely screwed up! apparently my grandpa (who unfortunately died that year) thought i had it but never really spoke up. a good friend of the family, my ex-neighbor's sister, also noticed certain tics and told my dad i might have tourette's. i never knew what it was until the diagnosis, but it was a big relief. i was a lot happier, and i started building my self-esteem back up. then after 10th grade i discovered wicca and met andrea at camp (my first crush on a girl... she was 2 or 3 years younger and the first wiccan i had ever met, and she was so incredibly cool i fell for her and got all confused...i never said anything, of course, even though she was bi) and suddenly my life changed around and everything was almost ok. so i guess the story has a semi-happy ending, though the story isn't over yet. yay. wow, i've managed to span my life from age 5 to 16 and how a neurological disorder affected it. i meant to just share the amusing bits of how i was a bad kid, but look where that's gone. weeeeeeee!!!!!!!