you know what? i'm sick of spam. not spam as in my nsync slash-obsessed friend spam, but spam as in the 3247895629070 pointless emails i get every day.
first of all, i do NOT want to enlarge my penis. i don't even have a penis. at the moment, i have no use for anyone's penis, and i don't want to. so why would i need these "herbal" pills to add 1-3 inches to a part of me i don't possess? and what would happen if i took them? would i suddenly wake up one morning with an angry inch? so i don't need your penis pills, thankyouverymuch. notice how they always have pictures of scantily-clad, attractive ladies on the penis pill emails? they never have any before/after penis pictures (of course, that's obscene and they can only get away with the hot chicks). but do men REALLY care about bringing their partners to orgasm? i have no idea. if my husband suddenly grew 3 inches longer, i'd be worried and would refuse to sleep with him until the thing shrunk back to its original size. sheesh.
second, i don't need to increase my sexual stamina and performance. i'm not male, so sustaining an erection is not something i have to deal with. i'm also celibate at this time, and i probably will be for the next few years if not the rest of my life. therefore i don't need to improve my performance and thrill the ladies.
third, i don't want to enlarge my breasts. in fact, i wish they would just go away because they're completely useless to me and they get in the way. but i have what i have, and that's that. so leave me alone.
fourth, i don't want to lose weight. i don't care what my doctor says, i'm HEALTHY the way i am, and i'm not going to waste my time, money, and effort to slim down. the weight loss industry is EVIL. of course, if you're morbidly obese and are having trouble functioning because of your weight, it might be a good idea to drop some weight, but i'm not morbidly obese. so THERE!
fifth, what the hell do i need an international driver's license for? i rarely leave the country, and even here i don't drive very often.
sixth, i'm a college student. therefore the "university diploma" idea is stupid - i'm already in school. after i graduate, i don't plan on any more schooling, because i'm absolutely sick of it. i'm just going to get a job and an apartment and try to get by.
seventh, the last thing i want to see when i check my email in the morning is teen girls taking it in every hole. that's disgusting. some softcore stuff is tolerable, but i really DON'T want to see hardcore anal fucking, incest (unless it's rocky horror related, and only because magenta and riff raff are just fabulous together), bestiality, BDSM, cumshots, gangbangs, etc. all of those make me sick to my stomach, and incest and bestiality are just WRONG! as for anal sex, BDSM, cumshots, and group sex, i just don't like them. they gross me out, but if people can engage in them responsibly, that's fine, just don't tell me about it. blech. and what's with all the anime porn? i'm all for artistic liberty and everything, but most of it is just so raunchy and disgusting that it's complete garbage. use your drawing skills for fun, happy anime that everyone can enjoy, you morons!
i think i'll end my rant now. i need a drink. of gatorade.
and finally, the quote of the day:
"I wish I was wearing womens clothing under this."
- Prof. Bulman, while taking off his sweatshirt
ah yes, fun with shakespearean cross-dressing, the ejaculation/death thing, and homoerotic undertones. my family must be so proud that i'm getting such an interesting education at this curiously liberal school. to think they're spending thousands of dollars for this...