April 9th, 2003

"I'm a nun - I'm a penguin!"

(no subject)

This morning, I broke my record for staying up late. I went to bed after 5 am. Last night, my cousin IMed me with all sorts of questions, and we ended up talking for about 2 1/2 hours until I decided that it was insanely late and I wanted to get SOME sleep. For some reason he was asking all these highly personal questions, and I ended up answering them. I told him stuff I've only told 1 or 2 people before. I mean... he's male... and a family member... I never talk about anything personal with family members, and I almost never even mention certain things about my personal life to guys (depends on who the guy is and our level of closeness). I just poured out my brain to him. And this was the guy who made my life hell for a couple summers back when we were younger (he did sincerely apologize about a year and a half ago when I confronted him about it, and we healed the rift between us). We rarely talk to each other, yet last night I found myself telling him some of my innermost secrets. And I found out that basically my whole family has suspicions about my sexual orientation because of the lack of male involvement. Well... even if I was completely heterosexual there wouldn't be any male involvement because there seems to be a lack of male interest in me and vice versa. I'm pretty much asexual, though occasionally I find myself interested in people of either gender. Well, all my cousins have had significant others from junior high on (my older cousins anyway, I'm not including my toddler cousins). My cousin April was engaged at my age. And here I am, almost 20, and I've never had a boyfriend (unless you count first grade) or even a girlfriend for that matter. I don't really care, and there's nothing wrong with being chronically single. I think it's hilarious that my entire family (at least on my dad's side) suspects something. I told my cousin they were right, but he's sworn to secrecy not to reveal any bits of our conversation to anyone.

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Well, it's the day of silence so I'm being silent (vocally anyway) until 6 pm. After that, I need to talk, since we're discussing submissions for the next Golem journal and I want to be part of the ed board. Both my classes were cancelled today, which should give me time to work on homework due tomorrow and study for the 2 tests I have on Friday (Back to back! Gaaaaaaaah!). That is, once I pry myself off the computer...
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