June 13th, 2003

"I'm a nun - I'm a penguin!"

(no subject)

First of all, *hugs* to firelove. I'm sorry you lost your grandmother, but I'm glad she's finally free of the illness that destroyed her life. Gaaaah, your post got me all misty-eyed. She sounds like she was a neat lady, and it's good that you have wonderful memories of her.

My mom took me to the doctor today, and she gave me a referral to a neurologist. My mom was telling her about all these problems I have, even the minor ones. My mom still doesn't seem to realize that social anxiety is psychological, not neurological. Of course, I have a doctor who seems really eager to medicate. The first time I went to her, she kept offering me medication for all my health quirks, and she immediately offered to prescribe me some antidepressants today. Of course, the antidepressants aren't for depression (I'm not currently depressed, though I tend to have random mood swings), but I've heard and read that they work well for trichotillomania (hair-pulling) and other things. I said that I really don't want to be on medication right now, but I'll consider it. I don't know how I'll react to different medications, but I'll think about it until my neurologist appointment. My mom thinks it might be a good idea to go on Zoloft or something now and see how it works because she wants me to be feeling well for Alpha. On the other hand, if I go on a medication that doesn't agree with me, it could really mess up my system, and I can't go to Alpha feeling like shit. I need to be in good condition so I can write write write and be social and not crabby. I'm fine the way I am now except for the random hair-pulling episodes and lack of hearing in my left ear and a weird buzzing pressure in my head that has been a minor annoyance over the past few days. And those health issues are minor at the moment. I'm emotionally stable despite random mood swings, and I've been feeling creative this week. Well, I hope something eventually works out. I take pride in not having to rely on medication to function. I know many people who do. My mom was telling me that my uncle Jon and cousin April have been on medication for depression or manic-depression, and my great great grandmother spent the last 15-or-so years of her life in a mental hospital. I had no idea that my uncle and cousin were ever on antidepressants. Ah well.

My sister also had a doctor appointment today, but I think it was a general checkup. She had to get a shot. The doctor wants to see her again in a few weeks since she's underweight (13 1/2, 5'3/4" and 86 pounds... at her age and height, she should weigh around 110 or so). Katie doesn't eat very much, but I don't think she has an eating disorder. She just doesn't like to eat, and she barely eats anything at dinner since she doesn't like half of what my mom serves. She does occasionally complain that she's "fat" (she's rather skinny, but she doesn't realize that the fat on her body is healthy fat and she's supposed to jiggle when she pokes her arm or belly or something), but she also calls herself skinny. She swims a lot and has a high metabolism, but she doesn't have a healthy appetite. I'm the exact opposite - I love to eat but never exercise. Oh well.

I got a paycheck today for some temp work (it wasn't very much, but it's money and proof that I've been semi-productive this summer!), and I decided on my meal plan for next semester. My mom and I went to a local farmers' market and got some strawberries and angel food cake (mmm...) and some other goodies. Speaking of food, I told my mom I'd go upstairs and eat something about... 15 minutes ago. So that's what I'll do. Ta ta!
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