July 28th, 2004

I love my hand!

(no subject)

Heh. You guys are awesome. Thanks for all the get well wishes. Actually it just seems to be a minor cold, I'm just a bit stuffy. Nothing to complain about, really, and it was at its worst on Monday. I feel fine right now. And if chicken-flavored ramen counts as chicken soup, I've been eating that and getting lots of sleep (as usual during the summer). And I seem to do fine without medication, and I avoid taking it unless I'm feeling really miserable anyway.

Speaking of medication, today's Pot Shots comic says, "Think how much great literature would never have been produced if the writers had received proper medication." I agree! Being a writer who has been on medication, I know that medication tends to halt creativity and numb the emotions. I was on medication a year ago, since my neurologist thought it would be a good idea to put me on Paxil (apparently it was for social anxiety and panic attacks, though those happen very rarely and aren't much of a problem). But Paxil just turned me into a zombie, and after a few too many brains gave me a belly ache, I quit taking it (after about 3 weeks). It just numbed my emotions, and I had temporarily lost my overactive imagination. I didn't know if it had any effect on social anxiety because I was home alone most of the time, but I didn't care because I hated it. So my neurologist thought it would be a good idea to give me Lexapro. That was slightly better, but it still felt like someone had stuck a traffic light in my brain and was trying to control all the chaos up there. But I thrive on that chaos, and that's where I get a lot of my wacked-out ideas. Plus, the Lexapro kept me awake, and I just can't get into the habit of taking pills and kept forgetting. So after about 2 months, I told my neurologist I refused to take any medication (Ha! I was assertive!) or see a psychologist, so she finally told me just to get a self-help book and fix my own problems. So I got a book and read about a chapter of it, but I quickly lost interest, and it just told me stuff I already knew anyway. I did go to the counseling center in the spring, since Nick urged me to, and I guess that helped a little. The things I was trying to work on were social anxiety, opening up and expressing my emotions, being more assertive (I can be so passive it's pathetic), and dealing with a certain issue that really damaged my emotional health at the time. I did improve a bit. I'm opening up more and trying to get over my extreme shyness, and I'm slowly getting more assertive. Whoah, that was a long ramble. Anyway, medication is dumb. Except that some people really need it. And... I'll shut up about that now.

I put some stuff on ebay. Anyone want a 25-year-old turntable? Or a car CD changer? I'm your man. Er... woman.

In other news, my sister was going through a bunch of old photos in Vermont and found a picture of a really ugly, red-faced baby. She thought it was the ugliest baby ever, and then she looked on the back and saw her name. Heh. That's hilarious. After telling me this, she yelled at my mom for saying that I was the cutest baby. Well... I was pretty cute. I still am, too!
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