April 10th, 2008

I'm a dorkety dork dork

Writer's Block: Spilling Secrets

What secret (your or someone else's) do you wish you'd done a better job of keeping?


Let's go back in time about 8 years or so, to Mr. Selinger's 11th grade chemistry class. So we're sitting there, vaguely paying attention to him telling us about the lab we're going to do. I don't remember what we were making, except that theoretically it could be edible. But Mr. Selinger told us not to eat what we made, because it contained phenolpthalene, which is an ingredient in exlax. I just started cracking up, and the class turned and stared at me. Later that class, he said "exlax" again, and I cracked up again. I thought that perhaps this would be an amusing incident for the day, a running class joke at the most.

Boy, was I wrong.

Within a couple days, people in school were coming up to me and saying "exlax!" And of course, I would crack up. Even people who weren't in that class. My friends caught on. And they told our other friends. And every time a new friend came along, they would soon find out. Same with family. I also made the mistake of letting it slip when I got to college. I don't remember if I told one person or a few, but soon all my friends were saying "exlax" to see my reaction. I don't know why everyone finds this so amusing, or why I even crack up at the word (these days, it seems to be a conditioned response). But now everyone and their mother knows that "exlax" makes me laugh.

Of course, it's not the only word that cracks me up. I recall the Golem meeting about 5 years ago when we were sitting there quietly, listening to Jess read her poem, and I totally killed the peaceful poeticness by snickering at the word "nipples."

Megan combined the two words to make "niplax." This also succeeds in cracking me up. Actually, I laugh at pretty much everything, even at the most inappropriate times. Ah, my warped sense of humor is no secret from anyone. This shall haunt me forever. 70 years from now, a nurse will be wheeling me down the hall of my nursing home, and we'll pass another old fart, who'll raise his cane to me and say "exlax!" And I will cackle, even though I won't remember why it's funny or even what exlax is. And then I'll have a heart attack from laughing too hard and die. See? This will be the death of me someday. Death by exlax. But not in the yucky way.

Also, a few years ago, one of my friends went back to the high school and saw Mr. Selinger. She asked if he remembered me, and he said, "Oh yeah... exlax." Ah, the legacy I have left...
Moccasin eating spaghetti

(no subject)

Last night, I dreamed that I was in this store, looking at dollhouse furniture or something. There were these weird outdoor washing thingies that were bright red, like little bathtubs or sinks that went outside for some reason, only miniaturized. One was an animal washer or something, and this sedated golden retriever appeared on its side, and they doused it in water. No idea why they sedated it before washing it, but oh well. Then I was suddenly in a pet store, and the golden retriever was lying on a shelf. The sedative was starting to wear off. I was talking to the pet store employee about her, and he was saying that I could buy her for $130. But he was saying that golden retrievers are aggressive and cannibalistic, though this one was apparently all right (yeah, aggressive and cannibalistic... because golden retrievers are totally like that...). So I was looking through some papers, thinking "Wait a minute... what am I doing? I can't get a dog right now! I'm moving soon, and I was going to get another cat, and I can't handle a dog at this point..." I mean, I love golden retrievers, they're awesome, but I can't take care of one right now. I was looking at some of the other animals, and there was this rat that kind of looked like Emeril, only it had some black on its back. It was walking around with this wheeled toy, like it would stick its head and paws in holes in the toy and just walk around. The weird thing was, it would point its tail in a straight line, kind of upwards.

And that was my dream. Curses, now I want a dog. No, Ade. No. You're not getting a dog. You're only obsessively scouring Petfinder for Maine Coons, got it? You can look at the pretty pictures all you want, but you can't get a dog right now. Maybe in a few years, but not now. And no, you're not getting a bunny either. Cats!
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