January 4th, 2011

"I'm a nun - I'm a penguin!"

Writer's Block: Conversation starters

Are there any subjects you either embrace or totally avoid talking about when you meet someone new?

Now I'm picturing the most awkward conversation with a new person...

Person: Hi! I'm person!
Ade: Hi, I'm Ade.
Person: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and savior?
Ade: No, but I love his work.
Person: Did you just quote "Hedwig and the Angry Inch?"
Ade: Yes.
Person: You're going to hell, because God hates GLBTs.
Ade: Wait, how did you know I was quoting Hedwig if... oh, nevermind.
Person: Want to see my cock? It's three inches long! And covered in herpes!
Ade: ...
Person: Did I mention I'm into furries? And buttsex?
Ade: I'm going to walk away now...
Person: You're really really short. Why are you so short? Is it a medical problem? Are you on any medication? When was your last colonoscopy? I had one yesterday. They told me I have severe hemorrhoids. Have you ever had hemorrhoids? What kind of underwear are you wearing?
Ade: Hang on a second, I left my axes in the car. I'll be right back!
Person: Would you like to buy some car insu...
Ade: Ahhh, I feel so much better now...

On the other hand, I've had some very successful conversations with new people.

Person: Hi! I'm Person, but not the same Person lying in a pool of blood over there.
Ade: Hi, I'm Ade, and he was like that when I found him.
Person: Just blame it on the cat.
Ade: I have four cats!
Person: I have cats too!
Ade: Yay cats!
Person: Agreed! Cats are awesome!
[Commence hour-long discussion about cats.]