I've become quite a douchebag lately. Earlier today, I read that Jerry Falwell died, and I smiled and thought to myself, "Good. I hope Fred Phelps is next." It's not so much I was happy that he was dead, I'm just glad that somebody, i.e. the Grim Reaper, managed to finally shut his hate-spewing mouth for good. And then I came home and saw that 4 consecutive friends had posted about it. A whole block of my friends page devoted to the demise of someone who I believe was a true idiot, and a powerful one. Oh, and I'm sorry that people like me caused 9/11. Yeah, I guess God sent the terrorists to punish America for letting us heathens, faggots, feminists, tree-huggers, baby-killers, and other sinners run amok. I never saw the light until you screamed in my face that I'm going to burn in hell for all eternity. Boy, that really makes me want to enroll in Liberty U. and run around thumping bibles and shoving my hateful beliefs in other people's faces. Yes, the Christian God is a loving, kind God, unless you *gasp* have feelings for someone who happens to be your sex or *gasp* you believe in the crazy idea that both genders are equal. Thank you, Jerry, for reminding us all that mental health is important to our nation's future, and extreme religious fundamentalism should be added to the DSM and treated accordingly. Have fun sitting in your golden throne right next to God, who is likely patting you on the head and saying, "That's my boy!" Or maybe you're running around with your new pal Adolf, covered in burning tar while spiny-cocked giant demons ass-rape you both and aborted fetuses rain from above. Either way, thanks for your contribution to society. Oddly enough, you made me feel like a better person. With a disturbingly sadistic imagination.
Yay, I'm getting a microwave! My dad bought me one for my birthday, so I'm going to go pick it up in a little while. Its name is Sirius Black, because my dad told me it's not white or beige, just a serious black. Maybe I should name my toaster oven Remus, and they can have a hot kitchen appliance romance.