Other than house-hunting and sudden mass snowfall that makes driving interesting, life has been rather dull. I think I found the house I want though, and now it's pretty much a matter of pouncing.
I steal from D. He always has the most interesting surveys to keep my brains from leaking out.
1. If you were to kill a man, horror movie style, which kitchen utensil would you use?
Well, first of all, it would probably be a woman, and since this is MY horror movie, we're doing this the long, creative, and excruciating way! So first, I lightly bludgeon the woman with an omelet pan and knock her out. When she wakes up, she's naked, gagged, and bolted to a kitchen island. I'm standing there, staring at her with an eeeeevil grin on my face, holding a big bottle of Frank's Red Hot and a pastry brush. I proceed to slowly and gently brush the hot sauce over her, while telling her all the reasons I'm torturing her, and every last grudge I've ever held against her. Once she's sufficiently marinated, then comes the tenderizing! Afterwards, I take a paring knife and make many shallow slits all over the body, then add salt and pepper. I make a few deeper cuts and insert some garlic cloves. I preheat the oven and chop some vegetables, whistling a cheery and disturbing tune. Then I take a butcher's knife and gradually
remove body parts, one by one, as she watches me place them each in a casserole dish with some of the vegetables. I have to do this rather quickly so she doesn't die before she's down to a torso and head. I then make several Monty Python and the Holy Grail references, laugh maniacally, and walk away for a few minutes. Then right before she bleeds to death, I tell her she looks delicious and chop off her head. I make enough roasted human to last a while, eat a few bites before deciding that human tastes gross, and then I share the rest of the meat with her loved ones. I mount the head and hang it on my wall. I have a sick, sick imagination. I should totally write graphically disturbing horror movies.
2. Did you ever swallow a coin?
not that I know of
3. What was the worst gift you've ever received?
One time, when I was like 12, my grandparents sent me this frilly, girly dress. I refused to try it on or even look at it for that matter, and I told my mom to send it back.
4. What is your most embarrassing childhood memory?
This is more of a teenagehood memory but still probably the most embarrassed I've ever felt. So, back in 10th grade gym class, I had Ms. Poholsky, who was your typical high school female gym teacher, only she was also really obsessed with organic food and alternative medicine (nothing wrong with that - I love organic food and see the merits of many types of alternative medicine, but she was just the biggest GNC pimp ever). So we were supposed to be doing laps around the outdoor track. I was horribly out of shape, as usual, and after about a lap and a half, my calf muscles started complaining. So, Ms. Poholsky walked up to Heather and me and asked how we were doing. I said my legs were starting to hurt, and she got all excited and said she could rub them to make them feel better and she had training and stuff. I politely declined, but she kept insisting and finally dragged me off the track, to this big blue squishy thing out in the middle of the football field (no idea what it was or why it was there) and proceeded to vigorously rub my calves. Meanwhile, every girl in the class was walking around the track and staring at us. I heard lots of whispering and giggling and HOPED they were mostly commenting on the teacher, not me. Finally, she let me go, and I caught up with Heather, who was trying really hard not to burst into a hysterical fit of laughter, not that I would have blamed her (I wouldn't have been able to suppress it at all). Yikes. Needless to say, I dreaded going to gym class even more after that incident.
5. How many kids do you want?
I'm sure I'll have like half a dozen by the time I'm 30... if by "kids" you mean "cats"
6. Whats your moms middle name?
7. Have you ever operated a fire extinguisher?
8. Worst car you ever had to drive and why?
Pop Pop's 1989 Station Wagon, a couple years ago. So, I was up in Vermont, and Katie and I needed to go into town for something. For some reason, she insisted that we take the old Station Wagon (a behemoth of a car, complete with fake wood paneling) instead of my mom's minivan, which I had driven many times before. So we got into the Station Wagon, and halfway down the road, I looked at the gas gauge and realized it was empty. So we headed to the Panton Store first, to get gas. Halfway there, I realized there was a note on the dashboard saying the gas gauge was broken, so I decided to turn around. I passed a farmhouse driveway and put the car in reverse to back in. The car stalled and wouldn't reverse. I tried turning it off and back on again, but the reverse wouldn't work. So I pulled forward and turned left, off the road and into a field. Then the car stalled again. I was trying to get it to work, turning it off and on again, and these guys came out of the farmhouse and started yelling things to us (I couldn't make out what they were saying). Katie and I switched places, and she tried to start the car (I think she had her permit at the time), but that didn't work. I finally got the car running again and pulled out of the field and back onto the road, and the guys started cheering. I drove straight home, swore I'd never try to drive that car again, and we took the minivan to town. I think Pop Pop ended up selling that car to a neighbor a year or two later (he had a nicer car anyway, plus the red truck that stays in Vermont year-round). It was really a beast.
9. Who do you hate?
very few people, actually... mostly people that severely irritate me
10. What do you hope to have accomplished by the end of this year?
buying a house... I'd actually like to accomplish that by the end of March, but I'll settle for April if I have to, though I really want to avoid moving twice
11. Do you have any reallllly crazy relatives?
I AM the really crazy relative. The vast majority are a bit on the goofy side, but I'm definitely the looniest.
12. Did you ever wake up under the influence of NyQuil, completely unable to move?
13. Are you feeling nostalgic right now?
not really... I'm mostly looking forward to lunch and thinking about the house I want
14. Did you own a Lite-Brite?
I got one a few years ago
15. Can you dive?
I *can*, technically, but I haven't done it in years and would probably end up bellyflopping if I tried
16. Do you own a mouthpiece for anything?
not that I know of
17. Are you willing to go the distance?
I've driven a few long car rides in my day, sonny
18. Have you ever used a pogo stick?
I tried ages ago but didn't get the hang of it
19. Who was the most creative bum you've ever met, trying to get some money from you?
I don't think she was really a bum, but a frantic-looking woman came up to Nick and me once while we were sitting outside at a cafe or something in Pittsburgh, apologized profusely, said she was pregnant, and asked for bus fare. I think we both gave her like a dollar. I ignore scruffy-looking bums who sit against the buildings, because they stare at me and make me uneasy.
20. Whats your favorite Jelly Belly jelly bean flavor?
some of the Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans made by Jelly Belly are pretty good (I like the dirt and grass ones too), but I wouldn't say I have a favorite
21. Favorite food you CRAVEEE?
usually pizza, pasta, or some thick and creamy hot soup, like potato
22. When was the last time you pulled lint out of your bellybutton?
no lint in there, sir
23. Did you ever use someone else's toothbrush?
24. Do you REALLY floss everyday?
25. What is your favorite cologne/perfume you always wear?
I never wear the stuff, it's vile
26. If you were on Double Dare, would you take the physical challenge?
27. What's the largest living organism that you killed?
I've pulled out some very overgrown weeds before and set a few rat traps (though they walked into them, so I consider it suicide and not murder)
28. Did you ever take a lighting bug and smear its guts on your arm so you get a cool glowing effect like war paint?
no, I like to capture the bugs in my hands, open them slightly and wait for the glow to flash and illuminate my palms, then release them
29. What's the best toy you've ever gotten in a McDonalds happy meal?
30. if you could be anywhere in the world doing anything right now what would it be?
back in bedddddd... in my new house... which I still need to buy... while 2 or 3 loinclothed, jewfroed 15-year-old boys do my chores and bring me food and cocktails... wait, what?
31. Can you juggle?
Sarah and I had to stay after in 8th grade gym class because we never got the hang of it
32. How do you feel right now?
hungryyyyy... should have eaten more than just cereal last night instead of getting distracted with talking to people and/or playing Runescape!
33. Do you remember that square candy bar called "Chunky"?
I remember that scene from "Throw Momma from the Train" where the main character said, "I'm going to kill the bitch. You want anything?" and Danny Devito said, "Bring me a Chunky."
(The best line in the movie was definitely when the main character was lying unconscious on the floor, and Owen's mom said, "Your friend is dead. Go bury him in the yard before he stinks up the place.")
34. Predict the length of the next Peter Jackson movie.
6 inches forward and 5 inches back
35. What was your favorite toy as a kid?
I actually loved video games the best... go figure, huh?