You know that Taco Bell or whatever commercial that's all "fall in love with melted cheese!" and features a bunch of dreamy-eyed people with cheese dangling from their mouths? Well... yes. I must confess, I am totally in love with melted cheese. This is no secret to anyone. I love melted cheese with a fiery passion. Here's the thing. Those burritos or whatever have beef in them. Alas, I get all turned on to melted cheese, and then they show me beef. But... but... melted cheese, why do you cheat on me with beef? I can't have you that way! Sure, we can commence the oral festivities with beans and/or rice and/or most vegetables, etc., but why do you tantalize me with your deliciousness but then ooze all over beef? I love you! Why do you do this to me? Look, I'm not asking for monogamy here, because you are sooooo good on top of other foods, but please, not the beef! Oh well. Could be worse. At least you're not melting all over pork or scallops or something. Please, melted cheese, for the sake of our relationship, please appear on tv dripping all over something that I can actually eat. I do love you, seriously, and I would be happy to chomp on a burrito and dangle you lovingly out of my mouth like all the people on those commercials (you little skank), as long as there is no beef in that burrito. Nom nom nom.
(Yes, I know. I do need a life. Thank you.)