Bwahahahaaaaa. I hope this year's crop of Alphans makes plenty of cannibal jokes. Ah, I miss Alpha. But! Only 10 days until Confluence! Yay!
I think it would be one of those movies that's simultaneously a comedy, drama, and "day in the life" kind of thing with sort of a basic event for a plotline with a million subplots surrounding it. One that's shot to appear semi-realistic, like you're looking from the outside in, as opposed to watching a movie. Something kind of like "The Squid and the Whale," maybe (no idea why that movie came to mind in particular). There would be a whole lot of witty dialogue and quotable lines though.
Or maybe it should be a Bollywood musical. Lots of amazing costumes in really bright colors, immaculately choreographed dances involving a hundred people at once (except I can't dance, so I'd just stand there or do the funky chicken or something), everyone sings in really high-pitched voices, and almost every movie is a romantic comedy full of sexual tension and innuendo and very sensual dances, but people almost never kiss on the lips (though they did in my favorite Bollywood musical, "Bunty Aur Babli"). And random "fantasy" scenes where I imagine running around a field or on top of a mountain with someone. And I can sing along with the soundtrack in my car, even though I don't know half the words.
Let's see, who would play me? Who is short enough? I don't know. They'd have to go with some creative camera angling to make the actress seem shorter, probably. I don't know anyone in Hollywood who looks even remotely like me though. Hey, I know. How about Nikki Blonsky (she played Tracy in "Hairspray"). She's only an inch taller than me, and she's chubby. They could just dye her hair or something, and she could pretend to be me and sit around quoting Monty Python and playing Runescape. I know I'm an interesting person and all, but I don't do much except spout off crazy nonsense. And if we're going with the Bollywood musical, she can sing and dance!
On that note, let's see... who to play my friends and family... Uh... I know I'm going to get in trouble here. Therefore, you will all be played by either Angelina Jolie or Brad Pitt (please do not give birth to and/or adopt any more babies during working hours), but let's make it interesting and make Angie play the boys and Brad play the girls. Oh dear, now my fabulous movie idea has gone straight to hell. New plan! YOU decide who's going to play you. Somebody please pick Tim Curry, Christopher Walken, Judi Dench, Daniel Radcliffe, Rowan Atkinson, John Cleese, and Miley Cyrus, because these people also need to be in the movie, though I have no idea who they'd play (except maybe Daniel Radcliffe, since he pulls off the nerdy boy look so well, and there are a lot of nerd-boy roles in this movie, and he will also be a naked crazy stable boy... wait, what?).
Oh dear. If they ever do decide to make a movie of my life after I've been dead for a while, they're going to have a really interesting time with casting.