Ade (agentfroot) wrote,

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Writer's Block: What Next?

Sad news. First of all, my Vermont next-door neighbor Don Willard died. I saw him a couple times last year, at a neighborhood meeting in Vermont and then two weeks later, at Pop Pop's funeral in Massachusetts. He seemed like he was doing pretty well, for a guy in his 80s, and he joked that he didn't recognize me without a bathing suit on (even though I haven't worn a bathing suit in nearly 10 years and have gone swimming either fully-clothed or with at least a t-shirt over my suit for like 14 years). His wife Alison is still alive, even though she had a stroke around the time I was born and lives in a nursing home. He was a really nice guy, and every year he'd have a big lobster cookout for friends and neighbors. Man, it's going to be weird up at the lake this summer. Pop Pop and Don Willard are gone, and our other neighbor Gracie is in the early stages of Alzheimers (she seemed fine when Marta and I went to tell her that Pop Pop had died, though apparently she later forgot that we had told her).

Also, my rat Emeril died. He'd been looking kinda sick and slow this past week, and he was getting old. So I buried him in the yard, next to Jiraiya. He was a very sweet, friendly little guy, and he loooooooved Rose.

So if anyone in the Pittsburgh area wants about a pound of rat/mouse food, an almost-full bag of aspen bedding, and/or a little bit of some pulpy soft bedding, let me know. I pitched the cages and other stuff, since they were old and chewed/slightly mangled.

On that note...

What do you think happens to us when we die?

I think we "sleep" for a while. And maybe reincarnate. I've believed in reincarnation since I was 8 or 9. I like the idea of "soul recycling." And I also think I must have been a soldier in a past life. I had a dream when I was really young that I was a soldier, and occasionally I'll get weird, vivid flashes of battle scenes in my head, and I know they don't come from movies or TV. Also, my grandma says she's always felt like she used to live in a certain part of the world (I forget where) and probably did in a past life.

Sometimes I'll feel the presence of the dead, even if I can't see them. Sometimes I dream of dead people (and animals), and I think they occasionally contact me through dreams. But after a while, their presences go away and I stop dreaming of them. I think they pass on to another life after a few years. I also had a really strong urge to go to Vermont over Labor Day weekend, so I was there when Pop Pop was dying (which was pretty weird). At the post-funeral luncheon, one of Nana's friends (she had the most beautiful blue eyes, and I think she was the one who got me my old Maggie doll) came up to me. She leaned over, kissed me on the forehead, and said "that's from your grandmother." So the dead still watch over us until it's time for them to move on.

But some stick around. There was that ghost that haunted the top floor of Brooks, and when I lived up there for a semester, some pretty weird stuff happened. And it wasn't just me, other people felt it too. I would sometimes feel a presence in my room or the hallway, but the ghost really liked hanging out in the bathroom. Sometimes when I went in there, that pad disposal thingy in the toilet stalls would clatter. Sometimes there would be a banging sound on the window, as if someone was outside, trying to get in. My friend who also lived up there that year said that occasionally she'd feel hands on her neck at night. Her cat would sometimes get really creeped out for no apparent reason and stare in one direction for a while. My RA also told me about weird stuff happening to her and other girls, and some people said that when they were in the shower, it seemed like someone kept tugging on the curtain. (I felt that too, but I also have a crazy fear that when I'm in the shower, someone will walk in and yank open the curtain. Yes, even when I'm home alone and all the doors are locked.) But at one point, I politely asked the ghost to stay out of my room, and then I didn't feel the presence in there any more.

*shrug* But I guess I won't know what really happens until I die.
Tags: afterlife, death, writer's block
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